Conversation Hearts for Dinner

I'm having a crappy day. 

My coffee keeps getting cold. I fill it up, get distracted and next thing I know, it's cold again.

I kept Abby home because she didn't seem to be feeling well, but now she's making me want to bang my head against the wall. Now Hayley is angry with me because she didn't get to stay home from school. Some day she'll be sitting on a therapist's couch talking about this day... The day I hated her so much that I didn't let her stay home from school. The day I loved Abby so much that I let her stay home to watch hours of Scooby Doo.

I read something online last night that, though meant to be funny, offended me as someone who has diabetes. I have a pretty good sense of humor with diabetes jokes, but there are times where I get tired of it being the punchline of jokes about lazy, over-indulgent, fat people. 

Our insurance mix-up still hasn't been straightened out {really, it may never be resolved to my liking} and I need to order pump supplies and insulin soon.I thought about going no-carb and exercising all day, but I'm pretty sure that's how they did it in the olden days when diabetes was a death sentence.

I'm feeling the excitement of dropping numbers on the scale, but it's always followed by having to give myself the "You aren't a number. Don't get excited. Be proud you're exercising. The number on this scale means very little. You're just as worthy of love and respect at this weight as you would be at a lower weight," speech. That has been a big struggle for me this year and something I'll be working through. If I lose 50 lbs but fail to learn to love and accept myself, I will consider this year a failure.

I've been denying the reality that Steve's schedule will begin to pick up again. But I can't deny it any longer. I need to get my stuff together so I can feel more on top of this solo parenting thing again. Right now, my idea of a successful solo night is feeding the kids pizza on the family room floor, giving them each an electronic device, changing into my pjs and climbing into my bed with a book at 7 pm. I get extra points if they bathe and/or change their underwear before bed.

I've had my phone for more than a week and have yet to meet Siri, use the panoramic photo feature or do a voice-to-text text. I'm slacking in the technology world. This might be the beginning of the downward slope into needing my elementary-aged child to turn on the printer for me and help me figure out how to make the font larger on the screen. 

And...

We need groceries. At this point we have a couple hundred conversation hearts, a 1/4 cup of cereal, 3 grapefruits, a clementine, tons of unpopped popcorn, 3 packages of near-expired deli meat, a few pounds of shredded cheddar, and about 25 packages of Simply GoGurt. You get a prize if you can come up with a worthwhile meal for me to make out of all that. Oh, we also have dark chocolate and wine. Right now, I'm thinking Conversation Hearts for dinner. For the record, I hate hate hate Conversation Hearts. I'll be eating Hershey's kisses instead.

There are crappier days to be had. I'm sure of this. I'm even fairly certain that the day will get better, then get worse, then get better, then get worse... Nothing is a straight line, right? 

** I was going to go back and write a positive under each negative. Then I decided that I'm allowed to have a crappy day, and I'm allowed to write about it without apology. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only grouch out there this week. I'm blaming hormones and the crazy-wild wind that blew through last night.