I Don't Think I've Ever Talked About This

Since the beginning of this blog, I've tried to make an effort NOT to post about weight or diet. Growing up with Type 1 diabetes {and being open about having it}, I was always hearing, "If you lost weight your diabetes would be cured, right?" When I ate treats, "Should you be eating that?" would often be the question I was asked. Usually what would follow would be a long lesson from me about how my blood sugar reacted more predictably when I hate a cookie than it did when I would chow down on an orange. Then I'd follow that with a brief lesson on how I could lose half my body weight and still have diabetes. After that, I'd almost inevitably have to deal with the stories about the grandma who had diabetes and could only eat sugar free chocolate. If I was really lucky, I'd hear about the co-worker who had her leg amputated as a complication of diabetes or the aunt who lost 75 lbs and was cured of her diabetes {side note: if you're treating a disease with diet and exercise instead of pills or insulin, aren't you still "treating" it? So can you really say you're truly "cured"?}.

So... Because people I've interacted with through the years hear "diabetes" and often jump to thinking about weight, diet, etc. I've made a conscious effort over the past 3 years to just not talk about weight. Not only do I try not to talk about it in person, but I've specifically chosen to avoid almost all talk of weight and food here on my blog. Also, I fought a very real battle with bulimia for 10 years. Talking about food is a very weighty subject for me. I'm more than my weight. I remember crying out to God at one point saying that I would be fat for the rest of my life if He would just help me stop binging and then ramming my finger down my throat. I still stand by that.

I'm content with my body as it is. My cholesterol is just right. My triglyceride level is absolutely beautiful. My a1c is right where my doctor wants it to be. I have beautiful hair, eyes and am pretty fond of how I look when I take the time to look nice. At the same time, I do know that 2 kids, a lot of insulin-related weight gain and some bad activity/food habits have really done a number on my body. I carry weight in places I never used to carry weight and am about 50 lbs heavier than I was on my wedding day. The good news is that I'm lower than my highest non-pregnant weight and with small changes have managed to keep 10+ lbs off over the last 18 months.

Even though I'm content with my body the way it is, I'm not necessarily happy with it and know it could do/be more. Over the past 3 years, I've set out to clean up my family's eating. It hasn't been easy. I'm very easily knocked down by the opinions of others. I'm working on that, but it is what it is. When I'm avoiding a food and am criticized for it, all the wind goes out of my sails. That means I've had plenty of false starts on healthy eating. Despite that, many habits have stayed with me and I am absolutely healthier in 2013 than I was in 2010. The artificial sweeteners are GONE. Dyes in our food are almost completely GONE. I make a lot of things from scratch {salad dressings, spice mixes, doughs, sauces} instead of buying them at the store. Living like this has become such a part of how I do things that I've forgotten that they were once conscious decisions I had to force myself to stick with!

I haven't decided whether I'll ever mention weight loss or diet on here again {other than in my Currently posts} but I felt like I wanted to get it all out there for 2013. I want everyone to know that I'm starting with a long list of things I want to commit to this year. My goal is that by the end of the year at least one of those "resolutions" will still be in full swing.

So here they are...

1)  Continue juicing green juice in the morning at least 3 times a week {ideally 7 days a week}.
2)  Avoid gluten.
3)  Avoid peanuts and peanut products.
4)  While avoiding gluten, don't fall into the habit of eating/purchasing processed "Gluten Free" products.
5)  Drink plenty of water {staying hydrated has helped me keep annoying headaches away}.
6)  See my psychologist for the entire year to continue healing from the mental/emotional damage of my bulimia.
7)  Let treats be treats. Treats aren't treats if you eat them all the time.

I don't know if you noticed, but none of what I wrote is outcome-oriented. I don't tend to say "I want my cholesterol to be _____," because I can't completely force an outcome. What I can do is change the action. In the past I've focused so much on the outcome, that the actions didn't always matter. That's when I'd end up losing hope and giving up. Or I'd end up cutting corners and find myself with my finger down my throat, leaning over a toilet. But now my focus in on changing my actions and if that means a really wonderful and amazing outcome, then I'll consider myself extremely fortunate.